Stop Talking To Myself: A New Take On Simple vs. Complex Carbs

As beach season is right around the corner (if Mother Nature decides to get her shit together), I have had several people ask me for tips as they get ready to wear the least amount of clothing they can legally get away with while also causing the fewest amount of "clawing of eyes" related injuries from on-lookers.

I tell them the same thing I always tell people when having a "beach bod" comes up: training is a very small part of the equation. By telling you this I, as a member of the Strength Coach Illuminati, have already ensured my untimely, but completely "accidental", death. As a result, I see no reason not to share another trade secret: if you want to look good, it is 80% how well you eat (numbers subject to being completely erroneous as I pulled them off the top of my head). I heard this phrase a while back and I really liked it: abs are made in the kitchen. This doubles as both sound dietary advice as well as a veritable gold mine of Hannibal Lecter jokes.

Now, I am not a registered dietitian, but I do know a thing or two about food. When I go over getting in your macros and not eating like shit (you are what you eat, kids), people inevitably get hung up on this notion of "good" carbs vs. "bad" carbs. Now, before I continue, let's just get one thing straight: there is such a thing as good carbs.

"But Mike, carbs are evil!"

Carbs are not evil. They are your primary fuel source. They do not inherently make you fat. If you give your body excess fuel and do not burn it off, it is going to store it so you can use it later. If you don't use that energy at any point then guess what? It stays around, looking suspiciously like fat. As with all things, moderation is key.

"But Mike, the Kardashians say they are bad!"

Yes, because the Kardashians are shining examples of positive life choices. Just ask Ray-J.

"But Mike, the cave men didn't have carbs! If they didn't need them then neither do I!"

The cave men also didn't have indoor plumbing, but I don't see you shitting on your lawn.

At first, I tried to go into detail about simple carbohydrates versus complex carbohydrates and the glycemic index (which if you're actually interested in learning more about you can find information here). However, more often than not, my efforts were greeted with the gradual blankening of stares as I inevitably lost everyone thanks to my effort to cram a long-winded chemistry lesson into thirty seconds. It was here that the words of Albert Einstein echoed in my mind.

So, I went back to the books in an effort to understand these concepts better in hopes of generating a new way to talk to people about carbohydrates. I don't know about you, but my memory always retains concepts with several parts better when I can create an analogy to go along with it.

I promise this actually works. It in no way is an attempt by me to shoe horn a clip from the movie 'Road Trip' into this post, but since you asked for it:

Now, what resonates with people in a way that I can explain carbohydrates in a simple and concise manner? Oh, right. Sex.

Think of simple carbohydrates (sugar, white flour products, yogurt, sugar, candy, sugar, chocolate, sugar) as a one night stand. Are they the best choice available? Probably not. Is it going to give you anything sustainable? Doubtful. But if you are in dire straights and really, really need some energy (wink), they serve their purpose. Just understand that they are going to flame out pretty quickly and you're probably going to be left feeling worse than you did before you indulged (wink wink). That being said, as long as you make sure you are smart about it and don't make it a lifestyle choice the occasional dip into some simple carbs (wink wink wink) won't kill you.

Now think of complex carbohydrates (vegetables, oats, legumes, whole wheat bread, pasta, and cereal) as a long-term relationship. If done right, they give you a longer, more fulfilling burst of energy, they help you to achieve your goals and, ultimately, be a better person. They can be a bit more difficult to find (unless you know where to look in the grocery store....hey, that works for both parts of this analogy) and usually take a little more effort if you want to make them work, but in the long run they are much better for you. Also, if you have a choice between complex carbohydrates at home and simple carbs out at a bar, definitely go with the complex carbs. Your waistline (or that general area) will be better off for it.